IT'S HARI RAYA FELLAS !!!

early morning of raya,still sitting before a pc AGAIN..dont have any plan yet for this raya..dont know what to do,where to go,who to visit and et cetera..feel a bit sedih and sebak hati jugak coz when i wake up earlier my Babah already went to masjid for subuh prayer..tak sempat nak salam mintak ampun dosa dosa silam kat Babah..hurm..

here in the office everybody is in raya mood..some clad in baju raya siap samping bagai..some play raya songs to cure their heart yang tak dapat cuti raya just like me..but i feel a bit macam pelik coz yang lebih lebih nak raya kat office ni and those yang semangat pakai baju raya lengkap ni most of them adalah golongan yang tak puasa time bulan puasa hari tu..golongan yang pergi hisap rokok kat tangga and makan mee goreng mamak basah Jalan Alor..haha..okl a tu semangat tu ada..bagus bagus..keep it up..huhu.

for those i can't meet during raya this year and tak sempat nak peluk cium salam tangan atas salah silap dulu i take this oppurtunity on this sesuci hari raya to ask for apology..sama sama lah kita brother sister minta maaf..zero zero okay.

i will tuck into all dishes prepared here for those working dan cannot taste the real lemang kampung..hey still not ready yet ?..lapar ni..anyway for this raya i will lead a moderate raya.

p/s : thankfully to Allah for the ability and oppurtunity to celebrate raya this year and hopefully i still have the same oppurtunity to celebrate raya for the upcoming years but AKU NAK CUTI raya next year...reti?..

SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

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EARLY MORNING BLUES!!!

early morning stuck before a pc at my workstation...i am mad now after checking my work last night has been deleted by someone..now i have to do the same thing twice and waiting for senior editor to bark at me..hurm..what a fate ?..I HATE THIS!!!

p/s : had a heavy sahur today and not feeling well...restless.

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SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!

last two days i spent most of my time with my yunkie..we went to cari barang for raya..i am glad to see her smiles and happy to celebrate raya..we went here and there looking for what we need for raya..sampai tersengguk sengguk..raya is just around the corner..hope that i can spend my raya days with her this year even i have to work for the first two days of raya..only on third and forth raya i'll be on leave..for friends who insist on visiting me during raya please make it at night and do come on third day of raya since no one will prepare you drinks coz my Bonda will balik kampung for three days..but if u guys dont mind of drinking air mati or air kosong i can prepare one for u.

now i'm in da officce..so quite sunyi sepi coz most of them dah balik kampung..lucky them..on first day of raya pun i dont know who will keep me company and be my teman borak-borak and gurau senda..i think my yunkie will be in Seremban..hurm..what a fate..

i apologise for those friends who can't reach me by phone and some yang dah dapat my new number yang asking me out lepak and chit chat over teh tarik..i am so sorry for now i really dont feel like lepaking and whatsoever..maybe for this raya i wll pay u guys a visit or maybe just by a call or maybe just by a text message only..but please do appreciate.

for those yang aku banyak kacau hidup korang..please forgive me..but aku rasa tak selalu or maybe just once in while je aku buat macam tu..to send kad raya or sms raya is not my nature really so please do accept this kad raya from a place where aku berkelana sekarang..



for those yang nak balik raya, beware of wild animal or human crossing..for those yang kena kerja masa raya..yes kita serupa dan senasib..ada rasa gak la when listen to raya song kat office..
but i take as tanggungjawab..hurm.


p/s : i miss my childhood's raya days.

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DOES IT SUIT ?.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED
by Kit McCallum

How often we must bear the challenges of life;
The endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow;
The constant ups and downs of daily strife.
And always the question remains .... why?

Life is not an easy road for most;
It twists and turns with many forks in the road,
Although always, and inevitably, we are given a choice ...

Do we turn to the right ... or the left?
Do we take the high road ... or the low road?
Do we take the easy path ... or the difficult one?

Decisions are not easy for those struggling for direction ...
And sometimes the many choices and signs become overwhelming.

While standing at a crossroads in life,
The urge is to take the most comfortable path;
The road with least resistance ...
The shortest or most traveled route.

And yet, if we've been down that comfortable road before;
Have gleaned its lessons in life, and learned from our experiences;

Do we yet again follow the known?
Or does our destiny lie in another direction?

The fear of the road less traveled is tangible and all too real;
It manifests itself in many ways,
And tends to cloud the issues that might otherwise be clear.

It is in these times of confusion,
That we must seek peace and solitude;

Time to contemplate on our life,
Our experiences and our choices past;
Time to look back, and reflect on what we have learned
Without fear or confusion.

For only each of us knows our own personal thoughts;
Our unique past and personal history;
The experiences that brought us to the crossroads we now face.

We can always learn a small degree from others experiences,
And yet ... no one person can walk in our shoes,
Others know not, the trials and tribulations faced in private ...

For each is individual ... unique ... and personal.

And that is why ... while standing at a crossroads,
Only "we" can formulate the decision for ourselves;
The true direction that lies within;
The choices we must deliberate on with clarity and wisdom.

For it is only through personal reflection,
That we can now choose our destiny;
... Our next adventure;
... And the future we will embrace.


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MONKEY MONKEY MISCHIEVOUS MONKEY

Like a mischievous monkey stealing my favourite fruit from my lovely orchard..breathe easy and let them jump from your mouth one by one..accordingly..maybe need to do this just for a mischievous monkey..mischievous monkey smiles and dancing on my tree, maybe this mischievous monkey think that my leg have been pulled..this mischievous monkey wont run away if i do nothing..this mischievous monkey really dont know..i'll bash u up someday monkey!!!....

Are u happy now mischievous monkey ?.yes?..it won't last..trust me!.

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DEAR SOMEONE

dear someone,
please answer all this queries i have in mind now.

1. does 'it' come to u or another way around ?.
2. don't u know it hurt me much and can u imagine if it happen to u ?.
3. dont u have any sense of respect in me at least a bit ?.
4. dont u know that i know u are fake even u act dont know in front of me ?.
5. don't u feel guilty taken one's belongings?.
6. don't u have a gut to tell me the truth ?.
7. don't u ever feel like being a real man even u are actually older ?.
8. don't u feel like having a talk like a man ?.
9. don't u know how hard it is to see 'it' goes to u and not for me ?.
10. dont u think that one day everything will reveal ?.
11. why must u do this to me ?.
12. i dont think u want this to happen to u in the future..dont u ?.
13. how long u will play the game in front of me ?.
14. don't u know u are such a chicken ?.
15. when will u be a man and face me ?.

yup..when u will come to me and confess that u have taken 'it' from me or maybe u want to say it happend beyond that..how long must i wait ?..i am all ready to talk like a man..please, i am begging and i never do this before..i beg u to confess and shortened my pain and release this haunted bugging thougts..please i beg u dont take 'it' away from me unless 'it' willing to leave me.
because of this i've act abnormal,i did something i never did before..maybe u can act normal as usual as i see..maybe u are a drama king..but i can't and i know i will explode someday..maybe the time is so near..don't u know it feels like needle choking in your throat ?..please feel it.

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CHASING A DREAM

I'm still chasing for a dream that almost fade away..instead of just sitting at home thinking thinking and never stop thinking, i lift up my lazy bum to do something that can help me out to reduce my pain and let things out scattered here like stinky bones..i should just ignore the loud minority perhaps..please God give me some courage to go on with this life, show me my real space..i need sanity to face all these..now i leave it all to God to show me what is good in me.

Ramadan is heading to an end, Syawal come up..for this upcoming Raya i dont know if i could be happier like i was before..i know that i can forget about kissing my parents in the early morning of first Raya coz i am on duty for the first two days of Raya and they will be at kampung..sad ?..nope..i dont know if i got anyone to keep me company during Raya this year..i dont know if i could wish my need one on Raya..oh just dont know..i dont know if i could spend more time with the one i loved the most..i dont know..

Surely for the upcoming Raya i need to ask a lot of apology..mostly from my parents,brother,sister,and u yes u..i wish i could show u guys more love and live accountabbly..
i wish i never do any wrong, commit any sin but i stand on a firm ground where i am just a normal human being who cannot run away from the reality of life..all that happend teach me to be more like man..yes, handle things like a man a big man..solving with thoughts not emotions..erm baseless.

I have to confess that the number of my friends now have been decreasing day by day...if u want me to name my real true friends, it just take ten fingers to name them or maybe less..even some claimed that they know me well, deeply as they said..dude i am insist that u dont..no one has ever seen my true colour but my mother.

Surely i wish everything running smooth,things go like planned,having laughter with loved one,solving probs like eating a piece of cake..hurm..yup it just another wish.

I hate what i feel now..when will it fade away..when?..when?..i love what i have now and i dont want even a piece of them taken..please dont take them away from me..even now i'm diverse by two directions..one is a long path i less travelled and a long path i've travelled before in another.

Quotes from my loved one, "your identity should not depends on others but others should make u a better man"..hurm, food for thoughts.

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111 WHEN

dear blog,
since i dont have anyone close around me to listen to my cry will u answer all these questions for me..i'm losing my directions..what would u do ?.

1. when u've been haunted by your past sin ?
2. when no one arounds to listen ?.
3. when u cannot prove something by words nor actions ?.
4. when u feel like being cheated ?
5. when people stabbing your back ?
6. when your close mate having two faces in front of u ?
7. when u wish things going according to your plan but it turn other way around ?.
8. when u really regret about your wrongdoings but no one cares ?.
9. when u wish u can fix everything ?.
10. when u wish u can turn back time ?
11. when u wish u can love your loved one more ?.
12. when u have only yourself to depends on ?.
13. when the bugging thoughts never say goodbye?
14. when others refuse to abide by the rules ?.
15. when u feel like no one cares bout what u feel ?.
16. when u insisted that u know people lied ?.
17. when u know about the truth that u never wish to ?.
18. when u late doing something that u should do earlier ?.
19. when u feel like u lose your belongings ?.
20. when someone take your belongings ?.
21. when u try to co operate but other party refuse to ?.
22. when u are down yet depressed ?.
23. when people shit on your way ?
24. when people spit on your face ?.
25. when u give some space but no one appreciate ?.
26. when u want to start all over but no one hold your hand ?.
27. when u think that u are too weak to face the truth ?.
28. when u feel like leaving all u have now ?.
29. when serious is just a word ?.
30. when promises are just uttered ?.
31. when u are on your effort to do some good to cover up your wrongdoings but no one trust u ?
32. when u wish that u should give up ?.
33. when people give u promise but never fulfilled ?.
34. when things never goes according to what u planned ?.
35. when u treat people well but they dont ?
36. when u wish that u can be a better man ?
37. when u wish u have all what people wanted ?
38. when u think that u just been living all this while to make people around u sad ?.
39. when u wish that u can handle big things ?.
40. when people start to ignore u ?
41. when people just fake on u ?
43. when u tired to all those dramas ?.
44. when u encounter the same things again and again ?
45. when people never admitted their true feeling ?
46. when u feel like u shouldn't be alive ?
47. when u feel like cutting your adam's apple ?.
48. when others have crossed the border ?.
49. when life is too short and u never fulfilled what u wish to ?.
50. when u wish u have some extra stimulants to go on with this life ?.
51. when u were blind but lose your stick ?
52. when your oxygen is running out ?.
53. when your lungs is narrower ?
54. when your face blue like dead ?.
55. when your brain full of decisions ?
56. when u can't utter what u wish to ?
57. when u have to sacrifice your principles ?.
58. when u feel like dying ?.
59. when u feel eating, sleeping and bathing is no more necessary ?
60. when birds of a feather not flock together anymore ?.
61. when u found poops on your nice cake ?
62. when older people giving u advice but u refuse to listen ?.
63. when the truth is so hard ?
64. when no one trust u anymore ?.
65. when people playing hide and seek ?.
66. when sharing is neither loving nor caring ?.
67. when u neglected what u supposed not to ?.
68. when u hold a wrong hand which is not yours ?.
69. when u feel hard to go but u know that u have to ?.
70. when u cannot satisfy your curiousity ?
71. when too much happend at once ?.
72. when suddenly u realise where u standing ?.
73. when all your deeds people can't see ?
74. when u have to sacrifice your belongings for other happiness ?.
75. when u feel like kicking hard ?.
76. when others act like chicken ?
77. when others can't say the truth that can hurt u ?
78. when others keep mum on something big ?
79. when u have to cry to see others smiles ?.
80. when u being a laughing stock for claiming the truth ?.
81. when your instinct tell u to do something even u hate it ?.
82. when u feel like suicide ?.
83. when your foe have more power around ?.
84. when people belittering what u said ?.
85. when people said they serious eventhough they know they are not ?.
86. when u feel like a slob waiting for something u will never get ?.
87. when u hope u can fulfill all your loved one needs ?.
88. when your life is so empty ?.
89. when u have to run away from the reality ?.
90. when pictures can't say even a word ?.
91. when your mouth zipped by the lies ?.
92. when u should let thing go ?.
93. when someone not related suddenly knows u better ?.
94. when u think that u have made your best pick ?.
95. when u confuse and not sure about something and keep holding ?.
96. when u know u can do better but no space given ?.
97. when u just have a very limited time ?
98. when u have two beds but dont know which one to lye on ?.
99. when someone chopping your tree that u have been taking care of for ages ?
100. when number is just a number ?.
101. when too much noise around u ?.
102. when u feel that u are too small ?.
103. when u are not in your territory ?.
104. when u punching hard on the wall but u dont feel hurt ?.
105. when u have to be strong to face the future ?.
106. when u are torn apart by decisions ?
107. when u know u can deliver better than others ?
108. when u feel like being played ?.
109. when u have to step back and give a chance ?.
110. when u wish God shows u the best remedy and help u out ?.
111. when all my questions will be answered ?.

yes, i have no other way perhaps..i can only depends on God to shows me what is good for me..
possibly what happend lately is a test for me to handle things like an adult..to be a real man..being more mature for a long way ahead..i would lose what i have now..someday perhaps...lose something that is my soul,myself and my everything..i might walk alone after this..i must be strong..i can't..oh God i just can't..i love what i have now..please God dont take them away.

p/s : when memories are just fairytales. i think i've lose a piece to make a complete puzzle.

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BLANKNESS + BRAINLESS = BEETLE BRAIN

day of blankness and brainless..
only God knows why..
chow!!!

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